The Power of Quiet

Today, just over two months since his surprise election in November, Donald J. Trump takes office as the President of the United States of America. So on the day when a famous, if divisive, showman and businessman, known for his confidence and outspokenness, moves into power, I thought I would celebrate the Power of Quiet. More specifically the Power of Introverts. I have been reading a book recently by Susan Cain called Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking. For a book about quiet people, there are an awful lot of words in the title.

Susan Cain’s basic thrust in her book is that the world celebrates extroverts – people who are confident, socially at ease, good at networking, outgoing, fun, bubbly etc. And these sorts of people are often very nice people – they can light a room with a smile or a belly laugh, they are often brilliant motivators of people, they are often great team players and they are easy to be around. Extroverts are great and nothing Susan Cain tells us will dissuade me of that view. I think a lot of our pupils are extroverts. One of the first thing that struck me about South Hampstead girls was that many of them LOVE to talk. As a group, they have ideas, humour, a certain engaging confidence.

But many of our pupils are quieter, more reflective, calmer perhaps, more circumspect, maybe a little bit shy. Really good listeners. And that is absolutely fine. Because according to Susan Cain (but also because it just seems like common sense) introverts are just as valuable in any community as extroverts. In fact she argues that the strongest teams have both, as well as all sorts of us who are somewhere between the two – ambiverts. You need extroverts to say things like, ‘let’s go for it’ and ‘I’ve got an idea’ and ‘group hug’ when everyone is feeling a bit down. But you also need more introverted people saying: “Stop. Wait. Think. Have you thought about…?”

The relationship between Steve Jobs, the late President of Apple, and Steve Wozniak, his co-founder and the brains behind the actual product, is a good example of this sort of synergy in practice. Steve Jobs was charismatic, confident, a great public persona who had the vision to bring Apple products to the mass market and make bold claims about revolutionising our lives. He was also impatient and, when some of Apple’s products in the 1980s failed to work properly, he blamed lazy and incompetent engineers rather than listening and accepting that there really was a serious technical challenge. But in the end without Steve Jobs, the extrovert, Apple would not be the billion dollar company it is today.

Steve Wozniak on the other hand was not as keen on the limelight. He was more of a deep thinker, a creator and inventor, the real brains perhaps behind the product. He has not taken as much credit for the success of the company. It is Steve Jobs who gave his name to a recent film about Apple, not Steve Wozniak. But in the end without Steve Wozniak, the introvert, Apple would not be the billion dollar company it is today.

The point is that the world (and the South Hampstead community) needs all sorts of people to function and everyone has a valuable part to play in it, whatever the natural tendencies of their personality type. So today I would like to celebrate all the great things about Quiet People:

• Quiet people often know how to really listen. They listen without thinking about what they themselves are going to say next. They may listen with intensity to everything someone tells them. Some of the most charismatic people I have known in my life have had exactly that ability and people were naturally drawn to them as a result.
• Quiet people are often fantastic observers. Nothing escapes them. A former colleague of mine who wasn’t that keen on socialising provided some of the best analysis of social situations I have ever heard and he really understood his team.
• Quiet people think before they speak. This can sometimes make the rest of us look like idiots as we gabble away to fill the silence. In contrast Quiet people only look wiser and more sensible in contrast. And when they do speak, everyone listens and probably values what they say even more because they say less. They can thus be extremely influential in decision making because they seem so wise.
• Quiet people can have a calming effect on others.
• And as Albert Einstein said, “The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.” Quiet people are not to be underestimated. They are often the writers, artists, composers and thinkers who can thrive during periods of contemplative solitude.

Introverts are not short of role models either – JK Rowling is famously rather shy and retiring. One story in particular about her life illustrates the creative powers of introverts. She was travelling on a delayed train from Manchester to London in 1990 when she first had the idea for Harry Potter. She desperately needed a pen to start scribbling ideas down but could not find one in her handbag. Aged 25 she was too shy to ask another passenger to lend her one. So for four hours she sat on a delayed train turning over in her mind the ideas that would bring her fame and millions.

So my message to all our pupils is this: celebrate your own special personality, no matter how gregarious or reserved you are. Respect your friends’ differences. Don’t just flick like moths to a lampshade to the brightest light in the room. You are all interesting young women with lots to contribute to this community and to the outside world. Be really proud of who you are.

Blog post by Vicky Bingham, Headmistress from 2017 to 2023.