Courage
Our school values – the things that really matter here at South Hampstead – are being thoughtful, open-hearted, respectful, courageous and honest. Recently I’ve been pondering the value of courage, a value I feel epitomises the sort of young women South Hampstead pupils are, and will continue to become.
Put the term ‘courage’ into Google and the two most popular images that crop up are: firstly, people either scaling or jumping off rocks with scant regard for health and safety. And secondly, pictures of lions. And I particularly liked this image because it encapsulates courage rather nicely. The idea that we may feel small and catlike on the inside but we can act big and lion-like on the outside. It encapsulates the idea that courage isn’t a lack of fear, but rather an ability to overcome it.
But I have one small issue with this image. Which is that ginger cats are always male, and of course it’s a lion and not a lioness. And at the risk of digressing and this becoming a blog post about Fun Feline Facts rather than courage, I thought I’d share a couple of Lion vs Lioness truths.
Lionesses are faster, survive on far less food, don’t loll around in the heat, and are much better hunters. Yet lions have become the emblem of courage and one of the most common animals featured on coats of arms. Lions feature on the coats of arms of 33 of the world’s countries, including our own. They are symbols of courage, nobility and strength.
Courage has, over the course of history, been seen as a male virtue. In Homer’s Iliad we have great killing machines like Achilles, variously described as “lion-hearted Achilles” or “swift-footed Achilles” whilst his great Trojan rival is called “man-slaying Hector” or “Hector of the flashing helmet”. Jousting knights and crusaders in the Middle Ages. And in more recent times, the film industry has been dominated by male embodiments of courage: Superman. Batman. Indiana Jones. James Bond.
Male embodiments of courage tend to glorify physical bravery, superhuman feats of physical risk-taking (duels, jousting, car chases, shoot outs, punch ups, or, in the case of James Bond, implausibly complicated gadgets). However, there are plenty of inspiring female role models of courage in the annals of history and in society today. Boudicca, Queen of the Iceni. Joan of Arc. Elizabeth I. The Suffragettes.
Research shows that by the tender age of six, girls are already affected by gender stereotypes. In a BBC documentary broadcast last week called The Trouble with Women, children and their parents in a primary school were asked to draw, amongst other things, a picture of a firefighter. Not a single one drew a female firefighter. In the military, people still ask questions about whether women should be put into front line roles. The toy and clothing industries and children’s books and television programmes really don’t help. Many ostensibly female children’s clothes emphasise passive states rather than actions. Being cute, being pretty. Being a princess. There are even baby grows which state: “I’m not allowed to date ever.” As if daughters’ sexuality can be controlled by their parents. Conversely, boys’ baby grows might read: “I only date models.” Or “Lock up your daughters.” Which very much reinforces societal stereotypes about men having the keys to power in the dating game. One of the reasons, incidentally, I abhor the cultural phenomenon that is Love Island. Men still seem to do all the asking and women wait to be asked.
Girls’ toys tend to be pink, fluffy, sparkly. They emphasise the cultivation of our appearance through jewellery-making, hair-styling, make-up. Lego Friends, the female version of Lego, as if we even need a female version of Lego, may encourage the development of spatial awareness which other traditional boys toys encourage. But even the very name is feminised. Lego Friends. After all, women are social creatures with excellent interpersonal skills and boys are all grunting Neanderthals good at building large towers. The situations in Lego Friends are equally feminised. Lego Friends Kitchen. Lego Friends Popstars. Lego Friends Holiday Villa. It’s all lovely and social and domestic. There is a Lego Friends Vet set but the animal figures in it are predictably small. Poodles and kittens and the like. Not large frisky bulls or stallions. Traditional Lego on the other hand is about action. Firefighting. Sea rescue. Police cars. Ambulances. Diggers. And all the figures are, predictably, male. Incidentally, you may ask how I know so much about Lego. The answer is that I spent a disproportionate amount of my life clearing it up. The toy and children’s clothing industries have become increasingly gendered over the past few decades. The reason is utterly cynical. If you make consumers think that they have to buy different toys and baby grows for boys and girls, they can’t recycle them when they have more children of the opposite sex. They have to go out and buy plastic tatt and mass-produced clothing all over again.
Women are not passive victims waiting for things to happen to them. We are the agents of our own destinies every bit as much as men. We may not, as a general rule, be as physically strong, but we are every bit as courageous as men. Men no doubt find the traditional portrayal of courage as physical bravery just as off-putting as women do. Most men I know don’t swagger around wielding guns and lances and challenging their friends to a duel. But I would argue that it is still easier for a man to be courageous.
Men are twice as likely to ask for a pay rise. Men will apply for jobs even if they can only do 60% of the job, whereas women will tend only to apply if they can do 100% of the job. This statistic comes from a survey conducted by Hewlett Packard, a large international IT company. When I go to conferences, it’s men who ask most of the questions from the audience. We know all about the gender pay gap already. If we continue in the U.K. at the current rate of progress it will take 100 years to close the gender pay gap. It will take courage to close it faster. To close the gender pay gap we need to close the confidence gap first.
At assembly last week, I spoke to the girls about courage being an important part of our code of conduct towards each other. By that I meant not being a bystander, not allowing each other to behave in a way which you feel uncomfortable about because it’s easier just to go along with it. It takes courage to resist peer pressure. It takes courage to do things differently – but in the end people respect you for being a lioness rather than a sheep. It takes courage to ask the difficult questions. It takes courage to challenge the status quo. It takes courage to find your voice and use it. We may not have a shaggy mane and consume 25lbs of raw meat a day. We may not feature on heraldic crests. But we sure can roar.
Blog post by Vicky Bingham, Headmistress from 2017 to 2023.