Raising Resilient Girls

This week we hosted a hugely popular event for parents: a Question Time style panel discussion on Raising Resilient Girls.

Host for the evening, Fiona Bruce, arrived straight from the BBC News at Six to a busy Waterlow Hall to introduce our panellists, some of the UK’s leading experts on a wide range of topics, from mental health and well-being, to leadership and mentoring. Deputy Head Pastoral, Ms Brass, opened the event with a reminder of how swiftly the landscape inhabited by teens is changing, but how we, as educators and parents, share a common aim: to help young people live confident and contented lives, to enable them to weather the inevitable storms and to enjoy the great moments too.

The first question posed was regarding the “growing mental health crisis” among young people – is it as prevalent as feared or simply over-sensationalised by the media? A healthy discussion ensued, the consensus being that there are improved diagnoses of certain conditions as well as better awareness and diminishing stigma surrounding mental illness. Indeed, the evening itself was testament to a shift towards more open conversations, shared responsibilities and solutions. Panellist Natasha Devon MBE made a plea to acknowledge that not all mental illnesses are equal and still require demystification. The panellists also recognised and discussed a range of new manifestations of underlying issues – from self-harm and cyber-bulling to the perils of sexting and the need for open minds and open dialogue to help tackle them.

Panellist Lorraine Candy, who in her recent Sunday Times magazine column suggested that parenting teenagers makes raising toddlers look like child’s play, drew on her personal experiences as a parent of four, including two teenage girls. She explained how “happy not perfect” has become a useful mantra in her house. She also warned against labelling this generation snowflakes, sharing plenty of anecdotes to prove that teenagers are far more resilient, adaptable and capable than we sometimes give them credit.

Another hot topic for the evening was gender and body image. Martin Daubney, former lads-mag editor turned anti-pornography campaigner, spoke about the findings of his recent academic report into modern masculinity, and the importance of the role of fathers; Natasha Devon MBE, gender equality and body image campaigner, echoed the power of positive role modelling – from both parents and teachers. She also offered an impassioned rally against social media’s perniciousness in suggesting that young people should be able to do everything perfectly. Proclaiming that “the internet has robbed young people of their ability to make mistakes”, she suggested that learning how to bounce back from set-backs may be more important than ever.

There followed plenty of lively discussion on the British education system, including what aspects and levels of competition are beneficial. Cheryl Giovannoni, CEO of the GDST, acknowledged the role that schools need to play in delivering knocks and life lessons, as well as academic excellence. Panellists and parents corroborated the view that developing social and problem-solving skills, engaging with a breadth of activities and engendering a love of learning for learning’s sake can all contribute in helping girls thrive – both at school and in life beyond. Others suggested that this generation has, to its detriment, lost the art of being bored.

With many of the audience, and several panellists, parents of teenagers about to embark on GCSE or A-levels, the conversation predictably turned to exam pressures. There were practical suggestions from the panel on how to keep the atmosphere light at home, including the power of music to help change the mood and reduce spikes in anxiety at inevitably stressful times. Cheryl Giovannoni warned against parents transferring their own apprehensions onto their children. Claire Eastham, the award-winning mental health blogger, recalled her parents’ criticism of her own approach to revising, recognising how setting realistic goals is individual to each person – and that not achieving the desired grade can be a very valuable life lesson. Claire also clarified her notion of resilience: “not about being bullet-proof” but instead a malleable, attitudinal concept that can be developed. Resilience was also broached in the context of empowering girls not to succumb to peer or societal pressures, which prompted a lengthy and refreshingly candid discussion about drug use and the need for pragmatism in addressing the issues.

Panel member Dr Olivia Fiertag, a former South Hampstead pupil herself, now a psychiatrist specialising in child and adolescent mental health issues, highlighted the value of an optimistic outlook; she cited examples of better exam outcomes from those with a more positive mindset and suggested CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) techniques to achieve this. When asked about what parents and teachers can do to help girls thrive in academically high-achieving environments, she focused on the promotion of self-esteem by praising the effort and process, not the end results. Recalling her own days at South Hampstead as being invaluable in teaching her how to handle pressure and build resilience, she also highlighted the importance of creating an environment where pupils believe in themselves and seek support when needed.

We are very grateful to our incredible Chair, impressive panellists and also to such an engaged parental community for making this inaugural event such a success. As Martin Daubney summarised afterwards: “A superb evening, great panel and what a bunch of awesome parents. Switched on and part of the solution.”

There is much focus on building resilience from the youngest years at South Hampstead, with plenty of opportunities for girls to take risks, try new challenges and to learn from failures. A comprehensive pastoral framework ensures each and every girl has immediate support on hand whenever concerns or issues arise. A tailored PSHE (Personal, Social & Health Education) programme also supports each girl to deal with age-relevant issues and develop requisite skills such as inner strength and high self-esteem. At South Hampstead, mindfulness is integrated into the curriculum; sport and healthy food are cornerstones of physical and mental well-being; and a team of qualified professionals are on hand to offer coaching, counselling and support in all aspects of life. For parents, there is a regular programme of Keeping In Touch sessions on salient topics, as well as plans for more panel forums of this ilk.